Last night.

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Last night.

Post  Lyranne on Mon Sep 01, 2008 1:05 pm

First of all, though I can well imagine people are sick of my apologies, I'm still sorry for what I said. I reacted stupidly, and if I was a more assertive person, I could have gotten involved more. As it is though, I didn't. I failed at being patient, at being a roleplayer, and at being understanding.

It's not worth me listing my reasons for being quite so bad last night as they will only re-affirm the fact I'm feeling sorry for myself. A truly infuriating character trait that I just can't shake.

Regardless. As I said last night, I'm thinking of leaving the Guild (in fact all my Guilds). I offer nothing to them, and I only seem to get in the way.

As I said, I don't like being punished for helping people. I RP Lyranne as compassionate, but every time it's most appropriate, it's been deigned that she will fail, simply because she wasn't supposed to be there, and is in effect a mere witness.
I wanted to be involved in the whole Tivak saga, but either because plans changed (which they did from what I can recall) or because I was assisting others, I missed everything. I'm not giving up on helping people, so if I have to choose between RP and aiding others, I'll choose the latter.

That of course leaves me in a situation where I no longer feel I can actively play the part of an Emissary (not that I'm any good at it anyway). I love this Guild - I've made many friends, and been involved with so much. But I feel you deserve better then an RPer who is as emotionally unstable as their character.
I'm aware that if I leave, I'll will be burning far more bridges than I can ever rebuild, and I'm sure some will be angry at me - or worse, be utterly indifferent - but I at least need a real break from RP where I don't end up returning in the middle of everything, and feeling so helpless.

That doesn't mean I'll remain OOC or anything stupid like that. But without any real IC reason for Lyranne leaving, I'm stuck anyway. I refuse to just leave without an IC explanation, and maybe by the time I think of one, I'll have a change of heart. But right now, I feel exactly as I've said.
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Re: Last night.

Post  Barzovia on Sat Sep 13, 2008 12:31 am

Lyranne wrote:But I feel you deserve better then an RPer who is as emotionally unstable as their character.

Where do I recall that from...

Also; You're a great RP'er, so don't let them tell you that you're not, them wrong (See the song "Them Wrong" by Junior Kelly). Even if it's all in your head. That's kind of where I failed (and me being to sissy to actually carry out evil deeds on other characters, more than cussing about).
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Re: Last night.

Post  Lyranne on Sat Sep 13, 2008 12:06 pm

I've never had anyone say anything about my RP other than it being good. My problem is that I fail utterly at taking compliments for what they are. I'm aware I have self-esteem troubles - or rather a distinct lack of self-confidence.

What makes it worse is that in so many ways things are just getting more and more out of control. I've been crying myself to sleep over stupid things, and I've been hurt by words I know shouldn't affect me - even if it was because I was called a liar. I struggle so much to try and balance who I keep happy, that I end up failing everyone, and feeling so selfish if I ever do anything where I'm the sole beneficiary - or at least feel that is the case.
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Re: Last night.

Post  Vypra on Sat Sep 13, 2008 1:30 pm

You are your own worst enemy mate.

I have no idea what happened last night, but if you don't learn to step back and let things roll off you sometimes, you are going to spend most of your time feeling crappy and thats no fun for anybody.

And this is the crux of the situation: this is a game! you are meant to be having fun! if that means you have to be a little selfish sometimes then so be it.

The only person who can change things is you, if you want help with that, we are all here for you but you have to let us help you. So far, i've seen you tie yourself in knots and rp your characters into corners that you can't get yourself out of without you feeling bad about the way you've done it. Well, enough is enough, be selfish, do whatever the hell you have to do to make sure you are enjoying the game. If you can't, you may as well quit and spend the money on something else Razz
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Re: Last night.

Post  Lyranne on Sun Sep 14, 2008 1:13 pm

Lyranne wrote:
One last thing: I never RP away from any in game experience because it involves either resorting to my characters knowing each other (which for me just feels awkward, especially as they are all over the world map, and I really don't like the thought of cyclical RP with myself) so when I log, I'm left with that feeling of just how long it's been since I was either required, wanted, or even just lucky to get any RP. Too often I get the impression that whoever I'm RPing with would rather be elsewhere. Yes, I'm aware that the last point is in all liklihood me overreacting, as I know I have the same feeling in real life - sadly, the only way i know to get people interested in a conversation with me in real life, won't work in game, because it's simply not feasable.

Whether this part caused offense or not, I don't know, but I fear it may have. I know many people do this, and it wasn't my intention to imply that it's cyclical by nature. I was criticising myself because I can't make it work - regardless of how much I try.

The latter point that's quoted may also need to be clarified. In real life - in the right circumstances - I can take part in a conversation, but it requires the subject being spoken about is either something I have the confidence to give my opinion about, or is at least interesting. However, comics, music, dinosaurs, evolution, and whatever else I speak about aren't relevent to in game, in character banter.

If it didn't offend, then good. But my apologies regardless. In fact I apologise if anything I've said here, or elsewhere, for anything I have said that has offended, upset, or hurt anyone. As before, I won't give any excuses, simply because if I have said something egregious, then there's very little an excuse can do.

Edit: Dammit, I'd meant to reply, not edit...
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Re: Last night.

Post  Lyranne on Tue Dec 30, 2008 2:18 pm

As many of you are now aware, I left the Heritage on Monday. I'm sorry for leaving the way I did, and I apologise if I hurt anyone in any way. As this older thread shows, it's not something that was done on a whim, but rather something I'd been struggling with fo a few months. My opportunities to RP have simply dried up, and as I have told people, without RP and instancing/raiding, I can't help but think about my real life problems. These last two days have been horrid. I've done literally nothing, and I'm not in the right frame of mind to return to my more creative hobbies.

Regardless; Anything I say is essentially a flimsy excuse and it all boils down to me reacting badly to not feeling wanted for anything. Whether that's true is irrelevent. I feel I've hurt people, and for that I can only apologise again. I'm sorry.
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Re: Last night.

Post  Vypra on Tue Dec 30, 2008 4:17 pm

good luck with whatever it you choose to do in the future and hope it wasn't anything i said the other night that made you feel you had to do this Embarassed

going to miss rp-ing with you Sad
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Re: Last night.

Post  Lyranne on Wed Dec 31, 2008 2:59 pm

All that triggered my stupid mistake was me not coping, and instead of being sensible, I tried to withdraw myself from any contact. It failed. All I could do was think just how selfish I was being and how dangerous allowing myself to go back down that path actually was. From what I recall, you said nothing but words of support, Vypra. I know I'm overly sensitive, and I know that I have freinds that I won't shut myself away from again. I can only apologise for making people worry or feel guilty. I'm sorry.
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Re: Last night.

Post  Zanick on Sun Jan 04, 2009 3:30 pm

Time for me to add my voice to this discussion.

I'm extremely glad to say that Lyranne has rejoined us. I'm really not sure how things would go without Lyranne amongst our ranks. She's been with us for a very long time, through good times and bad.

But there's an opportunity here to improve the role of emissary in our guild. With the exception of Lyranne (Sin'dorei Emissary) and Nenya (Forsaken Emissary), we've not been very successful at finding emissaries who could cope with being around such a high-spirited bunch of trolls for more than a month or two. A troll's spirit is fierce and free, and that can be difficult for other races to adjust to.

Warlord Snicka's original idea of accepting emissaries from the other Horde races into our guild (if I remember correctly) was that they could give us an easier way to deal with those other races when we needed to and also to bring special skills that we trolls lack when we wanted to go delving into the deep and dangerous parts of the world or raid the stronghold of one of our (many) enemies.

In recent months our biggest problems have been with the villainous pirate Shadowtroll and with the House of Sylvanas. With both of these 'adversaries' the help that our emissaries could give has naturally been limited. So, I am asking all members to put on their thinking helmets and find ways to get our emissaries more involved in guild business.

So, if anyone has IC questions or problems with warlocks or the Forsaken, please involve Nenya if possible. If anyone has IC questions about paladins, blood elves or slinky dresses, please ask Lyranne if you can. Lyranne is also a talented Enchanter who has offered to help members add enchantments to their gear (provided you find the materials, of course) and Nenya is also a talented Enchanter and a skilled Tailor.
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Re: Last night.

Post  Lyranne on Tue Jan 06, 2009 2:50 pm

I don't think you can count Astroth, as he was simply not enjoying warriors as much, and felt he needed a break from them. but yes, we've had little luck with taurens. I think partly because most roleplaying taurens will head to either the Greywolf Tribe, or if they're after a non racial Guild, the Ashen Order. For Forsaken and Sin'Dorei, we have a much more limited (some would say less reputable) selection of Guilds that will happily accept us. With Belves, this seems to boil down to people still, after more than two years, not knowing where they actually fit in. Two years, and countless Belves are still being played as arrogant gits with a line in casual racism that's simply unbecoming. If you actually follow the quests linked with Sin'Dorei, it becomes quite clear that they do try to actually better themselves once the betrayals have been discovered. There's a nice little scene with the leader of the Blood Knights, talking to A'Dal, and pretty much saying that they'll strive to pay recompence for their past crimes (which A'Dal forgives them for anyway because it was pre-ordained). There are also -many- good Sin'Dorei npcs within most factions you start to meet by level 66+ which is seemingly designed to show the changing face of how they see themselves. It says something in fact, that in Northrend I don't recall meeting a single nasty Sin'Dorei npc, whereas I met vile Forsaken, cruel orcs, and some pretty shifty people commonly affiliated with the Alliance (I can't remember the last mean troll I took a quest from).

Anyway, I digress. Basically, though there are limitations to what guilds I could have chosen, the point is I didn't really go looking, and with Lyranne, never have felt the need to. Lyranne is an Emissary for the Heritage of Zandalar. No other Guild would ever look right under her name. So yes, please don't hesitate to consult me about anything. Also, though I can't say for certain, I will do enchants for people with my own mats if I have them spare. No charge.

Edit: Also, in response to Zanicks comment about me being with the Guild for a long time, next month will mark my first anniversary of not only being a member, but also an RPer.
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