A retelling of what has transpired.

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A retelling of what has transpired.

Post  Lyranne on Tue Jul 08, 2008 12:15 pm

(( Firstly, apologies for this being quite long, and yet still lacking certain details, but these are events as seen from a combination of Lyranne's and my own eyes. Secondly, I hope it explains enough that you can see just why she is where she is. I'm not an expert on psychology, nor am I a good Roleplayer, so if anything's odd, it's mostly due to a combination of both. Also, yes, Lyranne was raped. It didn't happen as an RP event, but as explained below, was threatened.
I won't use the word again, as it's my hope that people will understand that it's just not a word to throw around ( which I just did, so my apologies again ).
The reason it happened to her when younger, is simply because when that was said to Lyranne, it hurt immensly. It hurt that a complete stranger thought it perfectly okay to threaten such an abhorrent ordeal. I actually felt sick, and just thinking about it now brings me close to tears. I should also point out that the threat wasn't made by some vile RP character, but rather a non roleplayer. And as I still haven't quite managed to get over that, it made sense to make it a part of Lyranne, who I do aim to sort out. Sorry for not being overly cogent, but I'm not at my most eloquent of late. ))

Lyranne, in her mind at least, killed/murdered Barzovia in cold blood. In actuality, he left her very little choice, as he was aiming to take her soul in exchange for his. Afterwards, she started to eat less and less, tearing herself up with remorse at killing a person she had long considered a friend ( she believes in redemption, so the fact she didn't offer him this chance is part of why she feel so guilty about it.
Next, there's the fact that because of her own heritage, she is more dependant on magic than she lets on - I don't rp it, because I'll only have people trying to cure her, and because I have mentioned it to enough people - plus what is known of the elves anyway. Additionally, her sleep and eating patterns are incredibly erratic. In her malnourished, sleep-deprived state, she started to hear Barz's decapitated head talk to her, which was swiftly dealt with.
The sleep deprivation was actually due more to a combination of this guilt, an inherent one she feels for how her race has treated others, and because of events in her past - namely her ordeals at the hands of an an-named male when she was younger ( not really really young, I hasten to add, not that it makes it any less abhorrent ). Said male started her on bloodthistle when tapping wasn't helping enough with her addiction, he also convinced her she was worthless, ugly, and that only he loved her. He forced himself on her many times, and this was most likely the starting point for her minds duality ( as she's always been a little up-and-down, mood-wise anyway, it makes sense for it to be from these circumstances, as they're unforgivable ). His image haunts Lyranne's sleep and she was starting to not function whilst awake.
Some time after, whilst still suffering from sleep-deprivation, Just as she was starting to recover from her nightmares, a young troll by the name of Yma was poisoned in the Broken Keel. Lyranne desperately tried to save her, and even tried to perform the kiss of life ( not knowing at the time it was poison as the source of the problem ) She managed to purge most of it out of her own system, but was left very weak having selflessly used up all her reserves trying to save the girl.
This lead to yet another crisis of conscience, as she began to heavily doubt her own ability to heal. This has made her even more unstable, as you can well imagine. It was at ths time, her psyche fully fractured. Lyranne and Deyyania: Lyranne pretty much embodying all that had gone wrong in her life, constantly doubting her self worth, close to suicide and also now petrified of physical contact, specifically with men.
Deyy is an innocent, the person she was shen she joined the Heritage seemingly so long ago.
Last week, However, Lyranne nearly regained control several times, as Deyy was oblivious to all the bad things, and people kept triggering a switch in her personality. Mostly limited to memories of the keel and Barz, as she discovered the singed page Barz had once given her. She collapsed in a heap, overwhelmed by guilt, and it took the intevention of Chowlawu destroying the page, for her to slowly bring herself to semi-lucidity.
However, again, people reminded her of various things, this time, the keel. Again, it triggered Lyranne to appear, and she came close to suicide, snapped free by the company of her friends and her love for Yasiria.

As the two personalities continued to fight for supremacy, everything started to become ever more complicated. As happened at several prior Heritage meetings, both Lyranne and deyy have made appearences. Her sleep deprivation had reached such a level that she was fighting even more for her sanity. Ryleen calmed her down, helping to subdue Lyranne ( who yelled 'Don't touch me!' to a male there - apologies, but I can't remember who it was ) and bringing the more innocent Deyy back. Eventually helping to stabilise her enough that she was perfectly lucid at the Illidan meeting.

This week though, had been too much. She'd been isloated from friends, and with only herself for company regressed to an even more unstable state. That reached its zenith at last nights meeting. She was essentially talking gibberish, had lost all ability to think coherently, and she was in hysterics ( which I forgot to emote ). Thanks to the compassion and warmth of the tribe, Lyranne was subdued, and Deyyania, now regressed to long before anything bad had happpened ( IE, she's mentally and emotionally a very young girl ), is now 'stable' - if you can consider such a state of mind such. She has projected Lyranne onto the bear that Jimar has given her, which allows Deyy to be completely free of all her past ordeals.

Now. The reasons she's messed up should be clear, but to clarify; most of these events were beyond my control as an RPer. Barz targeted Lyranne, for reasons I still don't know OOC or otherwise, and I was requested to kill him. I did so, only because the only other person seemingly wanting to do so was Ryleen, and there was no way Lyranne would have let her spill blood. Most of these events were me constantly being ambushed, and it meant I had no way of preparing.
Yma was poisoned, and Lyranne couldn't save her, again because it was deigned otherwise. ( great RP, but for a healer, an IC death sucks ). The ordeals from her past are more complicated, and I shan't go into them, suffice to say, they're partly inspired by a threat made to Lyranne in Orgrimmar once. Additionally, I needed there to be a reasonable - and understandable catalyst for her emotional instability. I can only hope that I haven't trivialised such circumstances.

If anyone knows of another way I could have had this character deal with these circumstances, I'd love to know.

Also, 'Lyranne' will die. She needs to be laid to rest if ever the character is to be made playable again. My hope is that without the weight of her past, Deyyania will become what the character was before - basically a nice character to RP, and not so unapproachable. If she still is, then I've missed something. I'm hoping to involve the Heritage members in this, but I don't want to rush it ( sorry, but I need to think about exactly where I want her first, and at the moment, I finally have control of my own character ). I understand fully if for IC reasons, she is expelled from the Heritage, though I'd rather just be demoted if it comes to this ( seeing as if she's kicked, it'll just seem as though she's uncared for - from the outside, I mean. At the moment, I don't think she's really all that aware of her post ), as I love the Heritage immensely, and enjoy being a part of it. But like I say, that decision is yours.

Also, apologies for hi-jacking yet another Tribe meeting. Seriously, I've just not been getting much RP, and it's one of the few times I seem to have any company, so I tend to take liberties, and for that, I am sorry.


Last edited by Lyranne on Sun Jul 13, 2008 11:23 am; edited 1 time in total
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Re: A retelling of what has transpired.

Post  Vypra on Tue Jul 08, 2008 1:38 pm

I think...and i hope ppl agree, that if Deyy can't be an emissary, she should still be able to stay on as a whelp or pet. Chabat has come to see Deyy as a big sister and would be likely to start throwing teenage tantrums if anybody suggested kicking Deyy out when she needs friends so badly.

Would you be happy for the more 'innocent' Deyy to become closer to Chabat?

Edit - i have real issues about ppl bringing rape into any rp game. Its too close to too many people and should never even be approached without a full discussion between the characters involved before it is.

The fact that somebody saw fit to threaten you like that sickens me.
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Re: A retelling of what has transpired.

Post  Lyranne on Tue Jul 08, 2008 2:53 pm

Of course I have no trouble with Chabat and Deyy being good friends, and it very much depends on how the rest of the tribe see it. I don't want to put anyone in a tough situation ( as I may already have done ) though I think from her actions, even from her first days in the tribe, it was clear she's never been stable.

And I agree wholeheartedly about the other points. Fortunately, I put the person on ignore immediately, but at the time, I didn't know enough about how the GM system worked, so I missed out on reporting them. I was also a little too hurt to think about it. It's yet another reason I'm so reluctant to report anything else. From the way I see it, I failed to do my part, and so almost anything anyone else does seems to pale. Sure, I know I'm emotionally vulnerable in real life, but just thinking about that... Well, I try not to.
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Re: A retelling of what has transpired.

Post  Ryleen on Tue Jul 08, 2008 6:15 pm

I think the way you chose to handle things last night was just fine. This way, you can still play both Lyranne and Dey, and they're both easier to handle for both you and people around you. How you choose to let her develope from this point is up to you, and there's no need to rush it.
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Re: A retelling of what has transpired.

Post  Lyranne on Wed Jul 09, 2008 5:12 pm

Thank you, Ry. I really wasn't sure how to play it, but my aim is to have Lyranne build up Deyy's confidence, and 'talk' to her friends, so that if and what Jimar has planned for the bear can be dealt with by Deyy. I don't want her to stay child-like forever, but my aim is to bring her steadily back. Naturally, this involves time, and as you say, I won't rush it.

Also, as I don't think I actually said it in my prior post: Thank you too, Vypra. I thank all of you for being so understanding in general - not just for how you've reacted to Lyranne/Deyy.

On a side note: From what I know about psychology ( not that much, truth be told ), I don't think Deyy suffers from either multiple-personality disorder or schitzophrenia. My thinking behind it is her withdrawing deep into herslf, where she feels safe. Maybe brought about from years of magic abuse, and subsequent withdrawel leading to 'madness', or else being overwhelmed by her past and finding no solace anywhere but in her childhood. If anyone does have a useful link to these conditions, it'd be most appreciated.
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Re: A retelling of what has transpired.

Post  Snicka on Wed Jul 09, 2008 6:03 pm

Thank you for the explanation, Lyranne.
I agree that you shouldn't be kicked from the guild, but instead demoted to the "Pet" rank. Heldra, the original "Pet", also plays a childish character (as much as I know her, although she's still a mistery to me). But I think we should look for another blood elven Emissary, because one with mental problems and split personality isn't one who could do the job properly.

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Re: A retelling of what has transpired.

Post  Lyranne on Sat Jul 12, 2008 11:43 am

The only drawback with being referred to as anything but Emisarry, is that I am planning on her getting better. It really depends on how others feel. For the most part, people are quite happy to talk to Deyy in her current state, but with so many evil characters around, it's going to be tricky to keep her safe ( the only safety being that she's almost always considered to be in Nagrand ).

My thinking is to get Jimar and Thanora to either combine efforts and treat her, or treat her individually. The problem is, because of how much trouble I was having keeping her stable, most people seem to accept that this is how it has to be. Maybe it is - it's certainly much easier to kep her sedate and lucid as she currently is, bt I can't shake the feelng that she'll need to 'grow up'. The way I'm currently RPing it, is that Lyranne is teaching Deyy as much as she can ( naturally not mentioning the Keel, the near death by poison there, Barz and so on ), before that ego dissipates. Now, that removes the main obstacle, but it seems hard to imagine that would bring Deyy back to her 'correct' age. Maybe i should read up, as I really don't want to trivialise these problems - most of it is based on various TV shows I've seen over the years, so it's as accurate as I can make it - It just very much depends on whether said programmes are.


Last edited by Lyranne on Fri Jul 25, 2008 11:18 am; edited 1 time in total
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Re: A retelling of what has transpired.

Post  Jimar on Tue Jul 15, 2008 1:06 am

I think Thanora and Jimar will have VERY different methods of dealing with this. Jimar will be pretty upset if the doctor's orders are countered by a tauren shaman though. considering she is in a Troll guild and he kind of exspects her to follow the Troll ways.
Jimar can give you stuff to subdue any pain or emotional out breaks. but subconcious healing is all up to Thanora and Lyranne i'm afraid. Jimar will just pump you with 'muti' until you are better and that would be like Lyranne on permanent morphine.
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Re: A retelling of what has transpired.

Post  Lyranne on Tue Jul 15, 2008 11:15 am

Well, I meant more that I'd prefer to make sure you're involved in some way, rather than just going away and stating 'Hey, Lyranne's cured!' It would be unfair to you, especially seeing as you've helped so much already.
Also, Quint dunked Lyranne, in the TB pool, but thus far, nothing else of note has happened to her/it. But yeah, maybe Than would be better suited to helping with a cure. I don't want/need Lyranne to be on any medication, especially if as potent as morphine. But the recovery will take time.
On a side note, in trying to detail the problems Lyranne is having to someone, I had to have her re-emerge briefly. I didn't particularly like doing it, as it felt so final. I can't answer if I roleplayed it in a believable fashion, but can only hope it wasn't too jarring. It was purely because it was someone I hadn't been able to RP with for a while, so they'd missed so much ( The characters are supposed to be close, and I needed to cover a lot of ground quickly, which wouldn't have happened if I'd given an OOC explanation ). As said before, I'm really just winging this. I have no idea about such conditions, and would have prefered to avoid such melodrama and trivialisation of such serious matters. I had suggested to someone - as a semi-serious suggestion - that Lyranne be captured and subjected to electro-shock therapy ( there appears to be the apparatus in UC that could do this, and Tivak seems the kind who'd try this for kicks ). As it can wipe memories, it seemed a perfect, albeit radical, cure.
As it currently stands, there are those who like the 'young, innocent Deyy', and those who prefer Lyranne as she once was. I'm torn, personally, which is why I'm reluctant to rush things. Certainly, I don't think anyone wants her to return to her worst state of mind, as she was far too unstable. Sure, I should RP what I feel comfortable with, but if it's at the cost of losing people to RP with, then it's somewhat irrelevent.
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Re: A retelling of what has transpired.

Post  Lyranne on Sun Aug 17, 2008 1:46 pm

A few things regarding Lyranne/Deyy and what is most likely to happen.

Firstly: I must apologise for my lack of RP 'presence' over the last few weeks. This is due partly to having gone to the Doctor several times, and the current trouble with my stomach. It makes it hard to just sit and Roleplay as I can't get my mind off the pain. I'll most liely have to see a Doctor again this week, and again the week after.

Secondly: Because of this lack of interaction, I really have no clue as to what's been going on. I'm not alone in this, but it's still annoying.

Thirdly: The old Lyranne is pretty much lost. Not her character traits, but the one overwhelmed with guilt. Deyy is growing ever more scared because Lyranne is no longer speaking to her. She is also slowly moving back to her real age, mentally, and I hope that either I roleplay well enough to make this clear, or else this will be read, and people can act accordingly.

Fourthly: Please understand that my lack of roleplaying with people is not due to a lack of interest but purely because I just don't see myself as important enough to ask for people to roleplay. This is why I don't ask people to hop, and I assume many don't ask me because they assume I'm busy. I should learn to be more assertive but I literally failed a course on it, and the last time I used the lfrp channel to look for RP I asked three times to no avail.

And lastly: Thank you all for being so understanding. Not just about Lyranne and her troubles, but also mine in real life. I honestly can't thank you enough for the patience you've shown. I do care about you all, and I'm trying my hardest to make this easy (which sounds really trite, but what can you do).
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Re: A retelling of what has transpired.

Post  Ryleen on Sun Aug 17, 2008 3:28 pm

I was wondering.. Wouldn't the trouble she's in now be agood opportunity for her to grow a little? She's lost and we can't find her, so she'll have to get out of her troubles on her own. Smile
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Re: A retelling of what has transpired.

Post  Lyranne on Mon Aug 18, 2008 4:24 pm

She has grown, but she's also been away and lost. If I wasn't feeling so poorly, I'd be able to think more clearly, but there's also the simple fact that doing it as a simple case of 'She went away, missing for several days, and came back better' to me just seems forced an unnatural.
I have, from the very beginning, tried to include people in her recovery. Many have suggested ideas, and I've always given the same simple response. It doesn't matter now though, as I'll have to resort to such a contrived result. Not that it'll help much.
It's a shame, as I feel people deserve better than to have had what I've put them through be 'fixed' away from them.

I'm sorry, everyone, for what's happened with the character. I'm sorry also that I haven't been as actively Roleplaying as much as I'd like, and I'm sorry if I've ever done anything to hurt anyone.
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Re: A retelling of what has transpired.

Post  Barzovia on Tue Aug 19, 2008 7:27 pm

Lyranne wrote:

Lyranne, in her mind at least, killed/murdered Barzovia in cold blood. In actuality, he left her very little choice, as he was aiming to take her soul in exchange for his.

I did it for my sister Sad

Barz wouldn't kill Lyranne for his own soul! D: He's always been soulless, more or less...
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Re: A retelling of what has transpired.

Post  Lyranne on Wed Aug 20, 2008 5:57 pm

Well, I meant more for his own purposes. I couldn't remember that it was for his sister, but it changes little in what choices Lyranne could make.
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Re: A retelling of what has transpired.

Post  Barzovia on Wed Aug 20, 2008 6:45 pm

True, it was what I wanted anyway; I mean if I really wanted to kill you IC, I would have just done it and not just "fuck around" like I did. Oh and I tried to get Sofia into the RP-community (which failed).
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Re: A retelling of what has transpired.

Post  Lyranne on Thu Aug 21, 2008 12:54 pm

I know you tried to get Sofia 'out there' and for my part, I at least tried to help her, but she seemed very nervous about being involved with established friendships about (I also get the feeling she had been personally isulted at some point, though I'm only guessing). For my part, Lyranne was scared of her paladin, simply because it'd been her that had given her the information on barz and so forth. I tried to meet her again, but she was always reluctant, and I can only apologise if I was the cause of any of her bad experiences.

Regardless, Lyranne's back now. She'll never be truly 'healthy' as it simply wouldn't work, but she's stable. Although there is the potential she could relapse, I have the knowledge now of just how much it takes to push Lyranne over the edge, and so i can better prepare.
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